It's been a long time since I've forced myself to the writing pad and pen in my thoughts and feelings.

The years and age have put into me mixed feelings and emotions about different things in life and helped me look at life with a black, white and grey perspective.
I've tried to come to terms with the fact that when I led more than 2000 people I didn't know what I was leading them to. Though I've been thankful, to who I don't know, about the fact that none of them were led into vortex and ever sucking whirlwind of public life.

Time has also sobered me enough not to voice my opinions, feelings and thoughts too loud for the entire world to hear.

I guess the same Time has decided or made me decide that I'm going to break my subdued silence after a long gap. Because I feel that if I don't speak now, I'll never be able to look at myself and give a plausible explanation to myself as to why I kept quiet when I wanted to speak, why I kept quiet when somebody inside me was talking so loud.

I've known Joseph as a kid from School days. The days' when being a year elder gives so much privilege and respect. And over these years and even today when I look back I somehow realise that though our age difference might have been only a year or two, somehow always viewed him as much younger.

We might never be able to come to terms with the concept of life, death, religion etc.

The wise say that all this is for the better of humanity and to ensure that anarchy doesn't reign. Isn't it always a matter of chance as to who you are, where you're born into. Though denying the fact that there are some, who change who they are, by sheer will power, grit and determination, is difficult.

Some events do manage to melt even the toughest of hearts. Some events manage to make the strongest of believer's atheists and some events manage to make the strongest of believer's atheists.

So even if you don't believe in life after this world, even if you don't believe that this life is just a stepping stone to the next, take some time to think about what I have to say.

When the moment of Truth is staring at our face, we don't know with what words to console the parents who are left to undergo all this. And one can't but help hoping that we could embrace those that left by and let them know that we are with them, but don't know what to do! Sometimes wish that we were wise enough to know what to console them with. And whatever done by us, can't give solace to those weeping hearts! The only thing that we can do is stand by is weep in silence and let the grieving family know is that we're there for you.

When all that remains is to be converted to dust, maybe nothing would matter. All that is left is the hopes and dreams, which those left behind realise, would never come true. And the only thing which those left behind really can do is say a silent prayer! Even the toughest of hearts and coldest of hearts cannot but shed a silent tear in heart of hearts. Maybe people say that Nothing else matters after the last breath floats away!

Would the coldest hearted of them all argue about that though the body doesn't realise anything anymore, we still would like to give the body that feels no more, a little comfort? The body, which doesn't realise anything anymore, still would have at some point of time, thought about how the last unknown journey should be.

For all those who have an explanation for the events which unfolded, try explaining this to the four departed souls, if they were to meet them any day. Try explaining to them, that because we're still humans and because we have our petty ego's which keeps us going, we didn't care about the lifeless bodies.

After all, we're all here to make our points and to prove that we're all better than the other. And for those that have proved superiority, the only thing that we bystanders can say is that hope that you are really satisfied. Hope that this has helped your endeavour to prove superiority, endeavour to prove the Rights and wrongs, and aboveyou're your conscience. Anyways WE were not bold to stand for the departed, so I don't know if we have the right to even speak about anything. But still we take the liberty..... Because there are some times when even the most timid and silent speak. And this is one of those times!

Try explaining to the 2 young kids who haven't even seen the world, that they can't be together in their last journey, because our religions prevent it. The same religion which is supposed to be for our betterment! Try explaining it to them if you ever meet them. For that matter try touching your heart and explaining it to the same God for whom you have done this. Oh, I forgot! The only confidence which makes you do what you do is probably the confidence that you will not have to face either of the above mentioned eventualities. So pray and pray like you have never prayed!

And for each one of us whose blood boiled about inability to do anything, the only thing I can say is that- We are not destined to change the world. We are too small to do that or dream of anything like that. But we are still capable of changing our outlooks. We need to decide whether our petty ego's are going to continue ruling us, or we need a little happiness around us.

The least we can do is not go and change our outlook to religion, but to give them a human touch. The least we can do is be a little more sensible. The least we can do is try to help our children to grow above these man made barriers and help them guide us, not rule us and our lives.

All I can tell you Joseph is "Please forgive us for what we did or rather what we didn't do! Pray that Your soul and that of your wife and children Rest in Peace."